Girls We're Thankful Aren't Puritans

If you ask most people what they’re thankful for, they’ll say something about their beautiful family, their good health, that they have food on the table to eat, and certainly these are things worth having. But sometimes you have to appreciate the finer things in life, like hot girls who do hot things. Sure there were hot girls in 1621, but they couldn’t really do things like participate in sex scenes or nude photo shoots. So, in the spirit of Thanksgiving, we offer to you the Girls We’re Thankful Aren’t Puritans.

When Jaime Murray appeared on Dexter during season two, the Showtime series improved exponentially from a cool show about a serial killer to a cool show about a serial killer and his hot, pyromaniac stalker/girlfriend. Her behavior would never have cut it on Plymouth Rock.

This year, Hayden Panettiere was named GQ’s Obsession of the Year and subsequently posed in a bathing suit. Since Ms. Panettiere is only nineteen, we’ve also got to be thankful that she’s legal.

There are two reasons we’re glad Lindsay Lohan is not a puritan. One: she wouldn’t have been able to do the nudie Marilyn Monroe-esque photo shoot. Two: she wouldn’t be able to be bicurious.

It hasn’t actually come out yet, but Powder Blue is a film that we’re thankful will be coming out this coming year. Why? Well Jessica Biel is slated to play a stripper in it.

We can’t quite explain the sexual appeal of vampires, but we can explain the appeal of Ashley Greene, one of Twilight’s stars who recently posed for Maxim: she’s hot.

Marisa Miller was the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition cover girl this year, thank God.

You could probably use the word “pussy” in 1621, but only because it then referred to a cat, not that other thing. Even now it’s pretty bold to refer to yourself as a Pussycat Doll, which is just one reason we love Nicole Scherzinger.

Americans got to reconsider their librarian fantasy this year, when Sarah Palin burst onto the scene, but what was perhaps even better was when the Keira Knightley library scene in Atonement became available on DVD.

We’re very thankful this year that despite her naked photo indiscretion, Vanessa Hudgens was still cast in the Disney movie High School Musical 3. Not that we saw it.

Billie Piper is the actress who stars in Diary of a Secret Call Girl, so thankfully it’s no secret what she looks like in skimpy outfits.

There’s really nothing to say about Megan Fox, so we’ll pop Transformers into the DVD player after Thanksgiving dinner.

Last November, Eva Longoria kicked the holiday season off with a gift to her fans: a nude appearance on the cover of EGO, a Ukrainian magazine.

Recently, CollegeOTR polled our readers, who made a clear statement that their favorite Bond girl of all time is Eva Green, and we all know that Bond girls don’t just sit around playing with Rosary beads.

Last but not least, we’re so very thankful that Penelope Cruz and Scarlett Johannson are not puritans, because according to our historical research, puritans could not have lesbian make outs ala Vicky Cristina Barcelona.