College OTR

OTR Exclusive: Lauren and Heidi Reunite for The Hills Finale?

Mon, 06 Oct 2008 04:53:36 EDT

I have a confession to make: I used to be a huge Hills fan, a Hillspert if you will. But recently, I've realized that Charlize Theron is right. The show is about NOTHINGGGGG! But maybe that's why I'm so mesmerized. Why waste my time watching something, when I can waste my time watching nothing?

But ratings have been going down hill for The Hills ever since the explosive and brilliant Lauren/Heidi/"You know what you did!" confrontation. Our source (an NU student interning at MTV development) now confirms that producers are desperate for more drama to make the show the sensation it once was way before everyone realized it was about NOTHINGGGGG and they had to rely on carefully-applied black mascara tears.

The drama du jour? Lauren is a "slut" and a "liar" and hooked up with Audrina's part-time lover (full-time sketchball) JustinBobby. Lauren's response? "Ew."

Even more controversial (not really), producers are slowly but surely crafting a Lauren and Heidi reunion and the end of Speidi for the season 4 finale. Because, even in real life, things always come full circle.

Senior/Sophomore TriDelt Mixer at Cornell

Mon, 06 Oct 2008 04:32:31 EDT

Showing sisterly love with toy guns and boob-licking -- that's how the women of Delta Delta Delta roll.

How Yalies Play Beer Pong

Mon, 06 Oct 2008 04:25:05 EDT

With a fine glass of beer in hand and their finest Yale jacket on their backs.

The Best Boston University Table Ever

Mon, 06 Oct 2008 04:14:01 EDT

How do you make a table with your school's logo on it awesome? Use it for beer pong.

Off-Campus Housing Can Be a B*tch

Mon, 06 Oct 2008 04:10:10 EDT

There are probably a lot of you out there who are starting to look around for housing opportunities outside of the dorms or frats/sororities. There are a lot of different directions you can go, so I wanted to open up the comment boards a bit for people to talk about the places they rent from and their landlord situations. From my experience, it seems that the fewer properties a landlord has the better quality of service you are going to get. This contradicted my earlier assumption that a company who owns more properties has more staff and is more professional, but that’s usually not the case. Also make sure to make copies and document everything, you don’t want the Zaki Alawis (Michigan Rental, check facebook ‘fan club’) of Ann Arbor taking pre-existing damages off of your security deposit.

In the end we’re just college kids and big dollar signs to these people. We move in and move out, they keep the property (unless we burn it down). Make sure you address any and all problems and get it sorted out before you sign a lease (you might want to actually read it too… or have daddy do it, it’s all good). With that being said, I wish you all good luck in finding a place and an “I told you so” when Prime or Wilson White takes a week to fix your heating.

Showing Love to Your Best Freshman Friend at Syracuse University

Mon, 06 Oct 2008 04:00:37 EDT

Womanly love for freshman friends. Jealous?

So Much to Say About UNC vs. UConn

Mon, 06 Oct 2008 03:54:36 EDT

Wow. Let's just start with that.

This past Saturday, the UNC Tar Heels obliterated then-No. 24 UConn 38-12. Yes, Tar Heel Football defeated a ranked team. By a lot. Wow.

Carolina's pride in its improving football team is clear. The game on Saturday was packed. As written in The Daily Tar Heel, only 500 tickets were left unsold. And unlike at previous games this season, Kenan stadium was a sea of Carolina Blue.

Even the basketball team (or at least select members of the basketball team) showed some school spirit and finally showed up to a game in Carolina gear. More impressive than that, however, was that when the basketball team walked into Kenan, late as usual, the crowd did not stop to cheer for them as they passed by the stands--the crowd was too busy cheering for the football team as they took the field. After their victory last week against Miami, the football team deserved the attention.

And talk about an exciting game. Personally, after last season, I never thought I would live to see the day that the Heels crushed an opponent--let alone a ranked opponent--by such a large margin. The cheerleaders better start working on those push-ups if they plan to keep up with the score of the game.

Of course, what would a game at Kenan stadium be without a random delay? This time it wasn't lightening taking out the scoreboard or severe weather delaying the game, but the two sets of lights on the north side of the stadium turning out in the middle of the game. So what better to do than start a more than enthusiastic wave going around the stadium?

Now, for the first time since 2001, the Tar Heels are ranked. A win next week against Notre Dame may not warrant the Heels moving up any farther than No. 22 in the AP poll, but at least Tar Heel Football can finally say it has a number next to their name.

What A Weekend!

Mon, 06 Oct 2008 03:29:09 EDT

What a weekend it was here at Miami University! Actually, to be more specific, what a Saturday it was. Two major events went down and you'd have to be a sucker to miss these gems!

At 6:00pm Saturday afternoon at Uptown Park, the creator of Family Guy Seth MacFarlane came to speak to a crowd of flaming liberals, courtesy of the College Democrats. Shortly after Seth MacFarlane's little event would finish, Jay Leno would be getting on stage for his Family Weekend Set.

So what do I have to report to you about the Mr. MacFarlane and Leno's visit? Absolutely nothing. Why? Because I went to Yager Stadium to cheer on our already floundering Pop-Warner football team against Temple. Yes, Temple, the team a few years back that was always on ESPN.com's bottom 5.

After watching Temple score what would end up being their game winning touchdowns, I decided enough was enough and that I'd go grab some grub. Of course I had forgotten about MacFarlane's visit and I got their just in time to see a College Democrat leading the modest mob in a "Yes We Can!" chant, while MacFarlane stood on the side lines cheering along. So i really can't tell you all how it went. If you're a Miami student, though, feel free to comment since I was too busy watching a team that might not even give the Little Giants a game.

And how was Leno, you ask? Well I didn't go, but my reasoning is a bit better. First of all, as Homer Simpson put it so eloquently at the beginning of The Simpsons Movie, you'd have to be an idiot to pay - especially the $40 it cost! - to see something you can watch for free on TV. So what were the reviews I heard? I heard that Leno is apparently better on TV (assuming you even like him in the first place) and he only had a few good jokes. Sounds like the parents that actually came down for Family Weekend got snubbed.

Luckily for me I chose to watch the Ohio State game with my friends instead of paying a ridiculous FORTY BUCKS to see Leno. At least I could cheer for an Ohio team that can win a damn ball game.

So feel free to berate me all you want for my in ability to pick the rights events to attend, but remember tonight to go to the Election 2008 lecture with Larry Wilmore. Tomorrow I'll write you all an amazing review of the event followed by my opinion on Tuesday night's debate to be featured on Wednesday.

St. John's Student Can't Handle Partying

Mon, 06 Oct 2008 03:26:10 EDT

It was only 4:00 p.m. when this sophomore called it quits for the day. Shameful...

The Unofficial Superhero of Rutgers

Mon, 06 Oct 2008 03:21:42 EDT

Well, either that, or a 6-foot man in a penis costume. Not too sure...

The Penn State Bears?

Mon, 06 Oct 2008 03:16:20 EDT

Seems this PSU tailgater was confused. It's the Penn State Nittany Lions, not Bears.

Rocky Horror Picture Show Theme Party at NYU

Mon, 06 Oct 2008 03:06:50 EDT

Scantily clad men and women -- what more than you ask for at a college party?

Captain Planet, He's a....?

Mon, 06 Oct 2008 03:03:57 EDT

Is this some part of some environmental stunt? I'd say yes judging by the beard.

Throw it Up

Mon, 06 Oct 2008 03:02:12 EDT

Maybe we'll win for once.

The Official Beirut Table for the Brandeis Cross-Country Team

Mon, 06 Oct 2008 03:01:10 EDT

No athletics teams should be without their own unique beer pong table that comes with a custom rule set.

The Fans are Not Amused

Mon, 06 Oct 2008 02:59:28 EDT

Come on guys, get it together will you?

Sarah Palin Debate Flowchart

Mon, 06 Oct 2008 02:58:08 EDT

Thanks to the folks at www.providencedailydose.com for this one. You're welcome, Brown!

Who Ya Voting For, Brown? Tina Fey vs. Sarah Palin

Mon, 06 Oct 2008 02:54:33 EDT

Tina Fey and Sarah Palin get into a fight on the street. Sarah Palin starts talking tough, and Tina Fey throws the first punch. Sarah Palin rips off her conservative suit to reveal a skintight pleather catsuit underneath. Tina Fey's already wearing a skintight pleather catsuit. There are squeals, screams, and nails and hair pulling. It's an all out cat fight, but who's going to win?

USC Dude Loves Double-Fisting for Double the Fun

Mon, 06 Oct 2008 02:32:50 EDT

This is what Dubya would call "strategery." USC students know how to "strategerically" double-fist to double the drunk fun. Then again, why doesn't anyone triple-fist? Oh wait, two hands... I promise I'm not drunk!

WVU Students Drop Their Pants In The Name Of School Spirit

Mon, 06 Oct 2008 02:28:32 EDT

Oops, how did that happen?

Two College Girls, One Lollipop

Mon, 06 Oct 2008 02:26:03 EDT

Two UC Irvine girls teach the kiddies how to share-- a lollipop. We can think of some other things they could double-team.

Brown Alumnus Discovers the Secret to Surviving an Economic Crisis: Sex and Parenthood

Mon, 06 Oct 2008 01:35:06 EDT

In times of severe economic downturns, there are very few industries capable of remaining unscathed. The sex industry, however, is one that can, because there’s no better way to cheer oneself up than by reading, seeing and/or participating in sexual debauchery.

Rufus Griscom, Brown ’91, graduated into an ailing economy, but after spending a few years hopping around the country as a vagabond, he discovered that “sex sells” and opened Nerve.com, a site devoted to sex, in 1997 with a small staff of three.

Since then, the site, which is more informational than pornographic in nature, has grown to have a dedicated readership of nearly 1.2 million visitors a month, all of whom Griscom hopes to eventually reach with his latest business venture Babble, a site devoted to parenting and culture.

The Brown Daily Herald reports:

And Babble, "the graduating class of Nerve," maintains its own edge. Eschewing traditional parenting magazine models of a sunshine filled, cookie-baking household, Griscom says, "Babble is about the reality of the parenting experience - and the reality is that it's hard, but that it's also very funny and joyful."

Since its launch in December 2006, Babble has grown into a forum for young parents in urban settings, drawing in nearly 1.5 million visits per month. Babble features discussion boards, personal blogs and articles that look at raising children from the perspective of a new generation that has been influenced by a scientific and technological revolution and is skeptical of parenting cliches, according to the site's mission statement.

And so, from sex to parenthood, Griscom has all the bases of adulthood covered -- except for how the rest of us suffering from the financial crisis can survive it too.

Columbia Kicks Off Queer Awareness Month

Mon, 06 Oct 2008 01:05:51 EDT

Even if you missed the opening reception and First Friday Dance, here are 5 great reasons to be aware this month:

5. So much free food! Check out the full calendar of events here.

4. Most people know about the debates regarding homosexuality in Christianity, but what about other religions? Learn more about LGBT Muslims and Jews on October 17th and 18th, respectively.

3. Be a kid again with sidewalk chalk and hot cocoa at the October 10th Chalk & Choc event.

2. Even if student performances don't get you excited, a screening of "Beyond Beats and Rhymes" and a discussion with Talib Kweli should.

1. Debates about the possible return of ROTC have made the Don't Ask Don't Tell policy a hot topic on campus. Nationally, McCain and Obama differ sharply over LGBT rights policies, and a handful of states will also vote on marriage amendments on November 4. Get informed with a College Dems-College Republicans debate and then the presidential debate on October 15.

Vandy Girls, Why So Sad?

Mon, 06 Oct 2008 12:29:18 EDT

With an undefeated team and actual SEC respect, there's no reason for frowning.

UNC Students Know How To Celebrate A Birthday

Mon, 06 Oct 2008 12:27:26 EDT

Crack open a beer cake and watch the party start.

Look Ma, No Hands!

Mon, 06 Oct 2008 12:23:14 EDT

This is not only a party trick sure to impress, but also a practical way to maximize double fisting.

Top Ten Clubs Songs That Need To Be Retired At Virginia Tech

Mon, 06 Oct 2008 12:21:15 EDT

I am so sick of hearing the same damn songs at the O.C (Oge-Chi’s, Virginia Tech's only club). Or maybe it’s because the dance moves that people feel they have to do since the song is on. Anyone else feel this way too? Here are the top ten songs (though I'm sure there are plenty more) that need to give it a rest already. DJ, quit that track.

10. Lil Jon- Snap your fingers: How OLD is this song, seriously. Enough said.

9. Three 6 Mafia- Stay fly: I gotta stay high, till I die. I mean, the lyrics are awesome, clearly.

8. Rihanna- Please Don't Stop the Music: Yeah this song was good…but since this song came out I think Rihanna had about 20 new songs produced. Keep Rihanna, change the song.

7. Usher- Love in this club: Why is it that when this song is on, people feel that it’s okay to make out in the corner of the club? Friggin disgusting. People need to find a better pick up line/ice breaker than this song.

6. Kanye West- Golddigger: I hate when this song comes on and all the actual golddiggers in the crowd get defensive when their friends call them out, but they still dance. It’s kind of funny, but it’s getting overdone.

5. Flo Rida- Low: I swear, if I see another girl try to touch her butt on the floor when the chorus comes on, I’m never going to O.C again.

4. Soulja Boy- Superman: I’m just sick of seeing people move people out of the way so they can do the dance. Dude, this song needs to go, people.

3. Kanye West- Flashing Lights: It’s weird but this song almost always gets simultaneously played with Rihanna’s Please Don’t Stop the Music. So therefore, DJ’s need to let go of this song.

2. Yung Joc- It's Goin' Down: You know, the motorcycle dance to this song isn’t what bothers me. It’s the fact that the ones who choose to do the dance at the club…don’t fricken know when to do it. I’m saying, if you’re going to do the dance, do it correctly and promptly. It’s simple, when in doubt, don’t dance out.

1. UNK- Walk it Out: Where do I begin? I’m mad ABDC (America’s Best Dance Crew) brought this song back. Now this song will never get retired. Thanks, Mario Lopez. I blame you.

Well there you have it. I hope the DJ at OC reads this blog and does something with the music. Oh and one more thing...guys, just because you know the song, doesn't make it okay for you to sing it/rap it in the girl's ear. So not hot.

Bunny Terrifies Students in Downtown Bing

Mon, 06 Oct 2008 11:38:12 EDT

If you look closely, you can see the unknown culprit who hopped around downtown Bing Saturday night in a menacing bunny suit.

Who Bikes on Penn's Campus? These Guys...

Mon, 06 Oct 2008 10:30:00 EDT

Well, not THOSE guys (but that would be awesome.)

In the scheme of things, Penn’s campus is pretty small and completely walkable – it hardly takes more than twenty minutes to get from one place to another. So why have I been noticing more and more kids with bikes these days? A friend of mine pointed out how environmentally friendly bikes are, which would be true if they were replacing cars but is completely negligible considering the fact that here, they’re used in lieu of feet. Here are some of the types of people you may see weaving through the crowds on Locust:

1.) The Athlete
Because many athletes live on Baltimore (which is really only a few blocks away but might as well be Siberia), it’s understandable that they’d want to speed up their trips to class. But shouldn’t athletes be fast enough to get places twice as quickly as we mere mortals could, anyway?

2.) The Speed Demon
Maybe he’s really late for a midterm, or perhaps he’s just completely obnoxious. Regardless of his motives, this kid will turn you into road kill if you don’t watch your back. Seriously, try to physically watch your back, because he will pop up out of nowhere.

3.) The Guy Riding Super-Slow Because His Friends are Walking
While I would never condone Speed Demon-ness under any circumstance, there’s something to be said for actually using a bike to travel faster than you would if you were on foot. That being said, I always see people awkwardly wobbling on their bikes as they try to maintain the slow pace of their walking friends. Completely superfluous, and really annoying to get stuck behind.

4.) The Kids on a Tandem Bike-For-Two
Bold move.

Anyone who can think of other cycling personas will get a cookie (not from me, of course, but I'm sure you'll find one somewhere)!

UMD Suffers Embarrassing Loss to UVA - Typical

Mon, 06 Oct 2008 10:06:05 EDT

It seems that it's time for me to eat my words. On the topic of this weekend's football game against the Virginia Cavaliers, on Friday I wrote - "at least we'll be done by 7pm, which is plenty enough time to...watch the Terrapin football team wallop UVA."

Yep, I said "wallop." Seemed like an appropriate usage at the time; the Terps were sitting on the verge of being ranked after coming off two upset wins over Top 25 teams and UVA was just demolished by Duke... that's Duke as in the same team that had a 25-game ACC losing streak until last week's win over UVA.

Unfortunately, I can't get into specifics of the Terrapins' cavalier effort because I didn't actually get to watch the game. I owe that pleasure to our region's terrible TV coverage (Comcast - if you tell us over the phone that you're going to carry ESPNU, how about you step up to the plate and actually produce something?). But to be honest, I think it's something I could have missed. Did we really need to watch the Terps fail to convert on 70% of their third-downs? Or let up 31 points while leaving a big old goose egg on the scoreboard? I don't think so. Although, speaking for myself, I am intrigued to see just how one would go about booting an on-sides kick a total of four yards...

On the missed on-sides kick:

"Obi (Egekeze) kicks that thing perfectly every time in practice. I was caught in a situation with the ball on the 45 and we were going to kick it and get it on the 20. How much are we going to gain there? I figured we'd try the dribbler, which I think is one of the tougher returns to get if you hit it right. We missed the ball. It wasn't our night." -Terrapins' Head Coach Ralph Friedgen

The bottom line is that it used to be exciting watching the Terrapin Football team, knowing that they were full of surprises. The sad part now, is anything that was surprising has now become routine. We consistently play to the level of our competition, whether it be up (Cal, Clemson) or down (Middle Tennessee, Virginia).

Fridge has got to do something to get this team motivated to win, every game, and he's got two weeks to do it before the Terps take on Wake Forest. You can read the rest of Fridge's thoughts on the game here.

Sorry if I seem a little aggravated, I'm a Cubs fan too.

Freshman Bring Borat to Baylor Game

Mon, 06 Oct 2008 09:38:23 EDT

Borat no like the Sooners. Freshman ran out with this at the end of the Baylor Line. We've got some witty class of 2012ers in the stadium!

Need a Tissue Miami Fans? Go Noles!

Mon, 06 Oct 2008 07:38:59 EDT

FSU won a nail-biter 41-39 game against the University of Miami on Saturday. It was intense, we made some errors, but i think most importantly we won! The game got a little too close for comfort during the second half, but thankfully we pulled through. Since Miami is one of our biggest rivals this was an important win for FSU fans.

As if FSU students needed another excuse to party..

The Noles suffered through the downpour to put 24 points on the board in the first half of the game. We were dominating, and a couple Miami players were literally on the sidelines crying. It was amazing. Miami put some more points on the board following halftime, leading up to an incredibly scary second half.

There were definitely some outstanding players of the game. Christian Ponder ran for 144 yards which is more action than any of our quarterbacks have seen since the nineties. Antone Smith was another one of FSU's saving graces, making a career best 4 touchdowns.

I'm anxious to see how we play next week at N.C. State!

UC Davis Students Get Friendly, Feel the Love

Mon, 06 Oct 2008 03:58:33 EDT

LoveFest '08 baby...this photo was taken right before I almost died due to the harsh Davis weather.

Things To Do At UF Before You Graduate

Mon, 06 Oct 2008 12:05:42 EDT

Whether you’re a freshman or about to graduate, there’s certain things that every UF student needs to do before they peace out of here. Here’s a list to get you started.

First of all is the free stuff. One big freebie is Lake Wauburg. No matter what you’re into, you’ll find something to do there. You can go boating on your choice of canoe, kayak, paddleboat or rowboat. And if you’re into more extreme watersports, you can go wakeboarding and waterskiing for free there, too. You just need your Gator 1. If you’re more of a land person, Lake Wauburg also has a climbing wall and disc golf.

Another freebie that could get you arrested is to jump in the big fountain by Criser Hall on 13th. If you’re ever passing by in the late AM hours, that’s the best time to do it. Not as many cops will be in the area as they would be around last call. Some graduates like to spice up this activity by putting soap in it before taking a dive.

The last freebie is seeing the bats come out of the bat house by Lake Alice. Even if you’re not into nature or animals, this is a sight to see. Every day around dusk, these people come out to play. They stay out all night by the way, so if you’re walking home on a foggy night and you see the creepy fliers, don’t get too freaked out, it’s just the bats. I wish someone had told me that my first day at UF when I walked back to my dorm at 5 am.

The next must do, is free to do but you’ll probably spend a little bit on supplies and that’s painting the 34th street wall. Whether you’re putting up birthday wishes for your friends or advertising your fraternity or event, this is a great experience for people who wouldn’t ordinarily tag up a wall. The part of this is, if you get the urge at some weird hour, Walmart’s paint center is open 24/7. Also, you should probably date your wall art to decrease the probability that someone will paint over it the next day not knowing it’s new.

Another fun outdoorsy thing to do is Ginnie Springs. You can rent a raft or a tube and lazily float down the springs. Get a cooler of beer and a few friends, and pass the afternoon. You can also dive but I should warn you, the springs are COLD at all times of the year.

Gainesville is also known for its great places to eat. If you’re into sushi, Bento Café is for you. It’s cheap, it’s delicious and it’s in two convenient locations on Archer and Newberry. The Swamp (restaurant, not stadium) is also a popular haunt, usually for Greeks, it sits right on University Ave. in the middle of everything. You can spot it by the big tree that’s lit up all year round. Finally, there’s Satchel’s Pizza which is a little far but still worth it. The service is usually horrendous and slow but the pizza is great and if you’re lucky, you’ll get the table in the van that sits outside.

Finally, and though this should go without saying, you can’t call yourself a Gator if you’ve never been to a game at the Swamp. Even if you’re not a football fan, make it a point to attend at least one of the games before you join the ranks of the working class. It’s not just about football, there’s singing and cheering a general atmosphere of awesome.

Now go out there and paint the town orange and blue!

Sigma Alpha Epsilon Fraternity House Firebombed at CU-Boulder

Mon, 06 Oct 2008 12:03:05 EDT

Early Friday, an unidentified individual tossed a Molotov cocktail-esque concoction into the Sigma Alpha Epsilon fraternity house. While no one was injured in the blaze, a 30-man brawl ensued that did send one student to the hospital.

According to the police, the firebomb, a jug filled with charcoal starter fluid, did not cause significant damage to the house, because a quick-acting SAE brother used a wet mop to push it out of the building.

By the time officers arrived on the scene, the flames had been dispensed, and a fight had broken out in the alley next to the building.

Fox News reports:

When officers arrived, they found about 30 young men brawling in the alley, Huntley said. Andrew Hansen, 20, a member of the fraternity, was hospitalized for broken facial bones and a deep cut.

Hansen did not know who hit him, Huntley said.

The fraternity and some residents of a building across the alley have "a history of some problems," including vandalism to a fence at the fraternity house, Huntley said. Sigma Alpha Epsilon members also told investigators of tensions between them and another fraternity.

Rivalries between fraternity houses are not uncommon. And so, one must assume that, regardless of the severity of the tensions Huntley mentions, the unnamed fraternity would not cross the line by physically attacking the SAE brothers.

There is honor amongst Greeks, but there isn’t honor amongst unruly, Greek-hating neighbors.

Ghostface Killah to play Dewick for Fall Hip-Hop Show

Sun, 05 Oct 2008 05:23:10 EDT

I feel kinda bad for publishing this before certain outlets, but it's fair game since the Facebook Event went up. This year's hip-hop show will be Ghostface Killah; member of the Wu-Tang Clan and all around badass.

Tickets will go on sale Wednesday at 9am in the Mayer Campus Center. Get there early, or camp out since these are going to sell out fast. The show will be on Thursday, October 16, in Dewick-MacPhie ~~convention center~~ Dining Hall.

Take a listen to the newest single off of his album "The Big Doe Rehab" entitled "We Celebrate" featuring Kid Capri.

How does this rate? Let us know in the poll!

EDIT: Looks like the results are mixed.

Homecoming Saturday

Sun, 05 Oct 2008 03:12:26 EDT

University of Michigan Students and Alumni Homecoming tailgating, pregaming and other traditions (On Campus)

On a weekend rich with tradition, downtown Ann Arbor was hardly going about business as usual...

Beatdown at Dewick

Sun, 05 Oct 2008 02:39:24 EDT

BREAKING:

Apparently there was a riot in Dewick this weekend during a multi-college party... Got details? Send 'em over to our tips page. We'll have an update soon as details roll in.

Three Job Alternatives for Wall Streeters

Sun, 05 Oct 2008 01:26:30 EDT

The seemingly indispensable bastion of elitism and greed known as Wall Street has been wracked these past few months by the sub-prime credit crisis. Lehman, Bear Stearns, and Merrill Lynch have all fallen. Goldman Sachs and Morgan Stanley will be "de-risked" by going commercial (that's like making the entire Ivy League become state schools!). Ludicrous.

WHAT IS HAPPENING?!?!?!?!??!?!?!

Where else are we finance goons to channel our egos? Our greed? Our insatiable appetite for attention?

Not to fear, Mr. Patrick Bateman is here to provide all you investment banking monkeys with alternative occupations.

Cocaine Dealer - This occupation has a lot in common with your typical banking office job; lots of deals and negotiations, and most importantly, the ability to tell apart quality Colombian snow from that knock-off powder that comes from Mexico.

Pros: cocaine, money, women, rich clientele, tropical climates

Cons: Colombia's dangerous, low mortality

Adult Film Reviewer - Instead of sneaking peaks at NSFW content at your office, why not just embrace the art of porn fully? In my opinion, the world needs an Ebert or Roeper of porn. You'd certainly be doing more for society than you would punching numbers at your corner office overlooking the Hudson.

Pros: porn, porn, porn, better hours, masturbation expected

Cons: you have to review weird shit from Japan and Eastern Europe

Prostitute - This is more directed towards the women of Wall Street---the strong, the proud and the few. Being a prostitute doesn't stray too far from what a typical female i-banker usually does. How else do you think they got those jobs?

Pros: same gig, more flexible hours

Cons: instead of deep-throating for that $20,000 bonus check, you'll just be deep-throating for that wrinkled $20 bill

And Finally...

Sat, 04 Oct 2008 06:52:25 EDT

Smithies woke up yesterday morning to the sound of bells and their housemates running up and down the hall yelling "It's Mountain Day!" in true Smith tradition. But while the usual apple picking, hikes, hours of sleep, and other traditional Mountain Day shenanigans ensued, I don’t think I spoke to a single person who could get over the fact that Mountain Day had been called on a Friday.
All together now: WTF? Was Carol Christ so fed up with all the complaining and drama surrounding the lack of Mountain Day that she just finally decided to call it… on a day that wouldn’t make a single person happy? So many upperclassmen don’t have class on Fridays anyway, it defeats the whole point. And the weather was far nicer on Thursday (which just makes one wonder… is there truth to the fact that it won’t be declared on the same day as Otelia Cromwell day? I kinda thought that was a myth.)
From discussions held in many classes, it seemed like professors had been tipped off that Mountain Day would be early next week, supporting evidence that yesterday’s holiday really was completely spur of the moment. Maybe President Christ got wind of the impromptu riot that was being coordinated over Facebook for outside of her house Sunday evening.

It’s too bad we’ve already had Mountain Day. I was looking forward to going and making some noise.